I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
