just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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