I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
