I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
