Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
