Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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