I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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