i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
