Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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