I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
