I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
