did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
