So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
