Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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