Dual....:-)
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
