I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
