I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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