marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
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nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you inspire me to be a worse person
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape