just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.