I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
