I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize