I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
