I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
