We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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