I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
