'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
