did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
MIDGETS
????
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
