Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
