after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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