I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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