We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
