its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
