3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
