Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
