NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
