he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
