6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Alive.
So much puke
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
