If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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