did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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