I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
