I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
