I can text with my tongue
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
