Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Redeem this text for a blowjob
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
