I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
