better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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