please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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