We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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