i think my tv is drunk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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