It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
