she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize