Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
