I puked a lego.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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