There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
