Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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