So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
