the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize