i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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