New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
