Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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