Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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