I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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