Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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