thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I didn't notice because vodka
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
