the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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